The Maven


To Rafael, whose birthday gathering was held in Baltimore at Poe's Grave, and to Jill, inspiring a topic rhyming with "Lenore."
(With apologies to Poe and proper syllabic structure.)

Upon reading Jill Richardson's Huffington Post piece on sewage sludge
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jill-richardson/the-sludge-hits-the-fan-i_b_488258.html

Once upon a midday dreary, wandering gard'ners feeling weary
Wound around to find the Big Blue Bucket Eco-Fair
They stood in line, not seeming frantic. Still one shouldn't be pedantic:
Lie on lie, of size Titanic: They called the sewage sludge: "organic"
Quoth officials: "it's organic."

Blogger, Jill said: Please beware. These buckets here, those buckets there
"Class A biosolids" squalid, are not quite clear on the brochure.
That's shit, that's sludge, that's toxic goo. Your garden might be fine with poo,
But sure as sure, it isn't pure:
Quoth the maven: it's manure

But perhaps we shouldn't all prejudge, the qualities of sewage sludge
Applied to farms and gardens from Midwest to shore.
Concerns of human health defects, a subject that by all respects,
Should trouble you no more, no more.
It's nothing like the horses Trojan; Cut your costs. And stop erosion!
Have no fear, and don't be craven; Never worry:
Just feel sure.

Don't think about it: it won't scare ya: fecal coliform bacteria
Don't cogitate on heavy metals, salmonella... all that gore.
Enteric life? We're safe, we judge: two million per one gram of sludge*
Parasitic worms, and virus? Helminth ova? Just ignore!
It's for your garden, we implore: Apply it well, do not demure.
Still: quoth the maven: "It's manure."
(And will you taste it? Are you sure?)
Quoth the maven: "It's manure."

* Government guidelines allow up to 2 million fecal colony forming units (CFU) per gram of biosolids.